In response to expectations....

Recently I read a very close friend's blog post about expectations that wives, girlfriends, etc. have from their husbands, boyfriends, etc. :) She was narrating her story and experiences in dealing with the expectations that she had from her very beloved hubby :) It provided me with a really neat perspective about how women think so differently from men and what their gestures implicitly stand for!

Now the thing that hit me the most was when she mentioned how she wished she could "tweak" her hubby to make him function exactly like she wanted :) It was a cute thought and bundled with innocence and a sense of struggle - a struggle to make love evolve just like she wanted :) The fundamental concept still highlighted the fact that men and women are different and may think and act differently in situations.

In the blog, as i feared while I was reading it, the dreadful comparison was made between "the man in her mind" and "the real man in her life". This hit me the hardest, cuz I have dealt with something very similar in a previous relationship that did not go too well and I have no shame in admitting it. Now this is probably the reason why enid blyton, nancy drew, harry potter (to some extent), etc. sell. I don't know why there hav to be so specifically pre-conceived notions about love, romance, feelings, etc. and the most ridiculous is the "expression" of love. I may be the only person to say this, but I think love has infinite expressions - those that cannot be and should not be compared - to pre-existing TEMPLATES! I am by no means saying that the standard and universally accepted expressions of love made by a man for his lady are wrong or ridiculous. But, what I do want to clarify is that there are and can be ways to express love in ways that are not stated anywhere. Like any evolutionary process, love is a feeling that grows on a person and he takes times getting comfortable with it - so why not give him an opportunity to be himself and express love, rather than basing it of a standardized mechanism! Its not a ACT or SAT or GMAT test after all! Here I speak for all those men, who tend to be a bit introverted and so cannot express their real feelings to their respective women, in ways that are universally acceptable. If a man can see beauty that is different from universally-accepted norms in a woman and decide to be with her all his life, why can't the same apply to women? I mean its tough enough operating like a machine in daily routines, so why not give him a chance to be the real him and accept him for what he is :) - although u can straighten him out whenever you want - and you know this! :)
I know the women are going to be like "WTF? Don't we also sacrifice a lot and decide to spend our lives with our respective men?" Yes ladies, I do respect that a lot too....just that sometimes in looking for the bigger happiness; the smaller, beautiful and more intricate aspects of love are often overlooked.

But the person writing that blog was someone I considered to be the most content person I knew, cuz she has this uncanny ability to smile and make the most of anything that she comes across....even if it meant that she was sacrificing more than her share! I have a GREAT deal of respect for her and I love her to death for t his specific quality - indeed a friend that inspires you to look up to her, respect her and cherish her :) So I decided to give her writing a bit of thought and try to understand her perspective.

I know that part of every relationship involves seeking, getting and providing attention to each other - so there are times when there can be an obvious feeling of being let down - but when you know that the other person is trying to still learn about how these things work, it would be a much better idea to not let it affect the relationship. Now, this is often hard to do - but when the relationship is at a level after marriage that you are so involved in it, wouldn't it be a better idea to just not look at the bigger picture and focus on the intricate details - small is often the BIG in such cases. If the guy is unable to get out of that shell and provide the kind of attention you are looking for, talk to him normally - don't make him feel like an outcast - explain to him what is missing. The problem with us "expressionless" guys is that we are unable to align ourselves with the relationship norms society has set, but we do have our own way to express - it may not be the most beautiful or apt or even widely acceptable, but it is an expression nonetheless. If this expression is seen optimistically instead of pessimistically by the person we love the most, it can do wonders for the relationship.

If the quote "beauty lies in the eye of the beholder" is anything to go by - it should be applicable both ways and not just one! I have lost a lot to "universally acceptable expectations" and I would hate to see anyone else get affected by this unlikely evil - least of all a friend who is so dear and respected that it would be hard to forgive myself if I didn't speak my mind out in trying to help. A blog post that can help a minuscule bit is better than a silence that won't help at all!

Lots of Love....